The Lamb Looked Back – A Meditation for the Twelfth of Nisan
Two days ago, we picked out the lamb for the Pesach sacrifice.
What a beautiful creature.
My thoughts looked at the perfect specimen—
flawless, upright, alert, its white coat shining in the sun like a small pillar of light.
He looked almost haughty in his appearance.
And then I understood.
The lamb reflected me.
Or more accurately, the part of me I have yet to surrender.
The confidence that turns to arrogance.
The dignity that stiffens into self-importance.
The pride that masks as piety.
We often speak of removing chametz—searching for the crumbs in our homes, the leaven in our cupboards.
But there is a subtler leaven still, hidden in the sinews of the soul.
The puffing of ego.
That hidden ferment that swells not with yeast, but with self.
This is not about arrogance in its vulgar forms—boasting or vanity.
This is about the delicate, religious ego:
The part that wants to be seen as holy.
The part that wants to be right, even more than it wants to be good.
The part that quietly says: “I’m further along than others. I’ve sacrificed more. I understand deeper.”
This is the real chametz.
The chametz that G-d does not ask us to sweep up, but to burn.
The lamb, chosen for sacrifice, must be perfect.
And yet, we are not asked to become flawless—
We are asked to become empty.
To become matzah.
Flat. Humble. Yielding.
Free of all rise, all boast, all inner noise.
The lamb looked at me, and in his gaze, I saw the part of me that resists being offered.
The part that prefers ritual over repentance.
Precision over brokenness.
The part that would rather be a well-presented offering than a surrendered soul.
On the twelfth of Nisan, there is still time.
Time to go deeper than the crumbs.
Time to find the swollen places in the heart.
Time to bring the ego to the altar and say:
“This too, I am ready to let go.”
Ribbono Shel Olam,
Make me low like matzah,
Steady like the lamb,
And soft like broken pride.
Let this Pesach be the end not just of Mitzrayim,
but of the Pharaoh within me.
